To depend on others is our strength. You can’t do this alone. You just can’t. You may think you can, until you start sinking and then you need someone to pull you out of the water. That is what your community is. They are the hand up you need when all you can see is darkness and it feels like you can’t breathe. Community is the light of Jesus that we spread to one another and a dark world.
I have had to rely a lot on others in this busy and difficult season of our lives. In fact, nothing would get done if I didn’t have the community that I have. This last week I started graduate school while teaching full time and being a mom of four children. Whew, that sentence alone is wearing me out. In fact, I am typing this in the early morning hours on Sunday where I know I will have a silent space without interruptions. My kids are such beautiful, individual and gifted human souls, but they can definitely be distracting. We are so fortunate and blessed to have both of our families live in town near us. My mom has been incredible, helping us pick up our oldest son from his middle school and my mother-in-law has taken over some of the pickups of our three year old. This week I was on a two hour Zoom call with my graduate class and my loving and strong man was holding our three year old in the background while cooking dinner and helping our 9 and 6 year old with their homework. He has never looked more attractive to me than at that moment. What a man! What a husband. On Friday, each of our parents took two kids to spend the night so that my husband and I could have some time alone. That evening was like an oasis of water in a dessert of busyness. It was the refreshment and restoration we needed to help keep our marriage strong. It was also my now six year old’s birthday on Friday, and both of our families came together to help is celebrate and help her feel special when I didn’t have the time or energy to be able to throw her a large party. Thursday I had my normal group of women over to my house for Bible study and hearing their stories and having some delightful conversations and belly laughs, got my mind off of the fact that I was tired and afraid of my biopsy on Monday.
That reminds me that tomorrow I am having a biopsy done to check for cancer and while I am going in alone, I know I have an army of people praying for me and supporting me behind the scenes. God has blessed this last year with the most beautiful and loving community I ever could have asked for. No matter what result this test brings, I have such peace in my heart knowing I don’t step forward alone. It wasn’t always this way. I have had very real conflict with our families in the past. I have had to have hard conversations and explain when my feelings were hurt. I didn’t always have a community of women by my side. Last year I felt very alone and isolated. I was grieving and praying for friendships and God challenged me to be the one to take the first step. He asked me to be vulnerable and open my home each week and invite women in. The community that has come as a result of that obedience is so precious and valuable to me. In the beginning I wanted to quit and give up each week. It is so hard to put yourself out there for others and face rejection, but all the best stories start with a risk. Even my marriage has taken ten years of hard work and vulnerability to learn about my own wounds, my husband’s wounds and how they can stir conflict. Our relationships can be difficult and messy. We can hurt one another and create new wounds, but we can also forgive and grow.
Yes, it is a risk to put yourself out there if you have faced rejection. Yes, it might hurt, but in this process your heart will grow into a living, beating beautiful thing of flesh that pulses with love for others.
One of my good friends in my women’s group shared this week that Billy Graham’s wife was driving through a very long construction zone full of detours and signs and came to a final sign that said, “End of construction. Thank You for your patience.” and Ruth Graham thought to herself that is exactly what the Christian life is like, a work in progress until the very end. She loved the sign so much she had it engraved on her tombstone. This makes me think about the end of our construction and the things we are living for today. Are they worth it? Are they making us more Christ-like? What will they write on my tombstone in the end?
In this, season, I think I like the words:
“Loved by Jesus and she loved like Jesus, and in the end the loved surrounded her.”
