My word for the new year is “Awakening.” I’m not sure exactly how God puts these words on my heart but over time he makes it very clear that the word for the year is exactly what it is supposed to be. My words for the last two years were “healing (2023)” and “contentment (2024).” I seem to start the year naturally asking myself why God has chosen that word. I usually spend the middle of the year completely confused about the word and by the end of the year, I understand the why and realize that just because the year is over, the “word” is not? In fact, I may carry many of these words with me for the rest of my life.
The year my word was “healing” was brutal. I went through so many emotional ups and downs that year and spent most of the year arguing with God that it didn’t feel like I was healing. One of my great struggles was fear of rejection in relationships and that was the year God helped me start a group of women that would gather together weekly in my house to connect. It’s amazing how gently over time he started to help heal that wound. But it never comes all at once. I was so afraid that year of losing friendships that I would pray for God to let me give up the group or take it away. I said I wasn’t qualified to do this and he kept strengthening me to put one foot in front of the other and host for one more week.
I would hear him whisper in my heart, “just you and me Morgan, let’s just do this one more time together.”
He also encouraged me to pray outwardly and pray for these other women. Sometimes when our focus is all inward, it can inhibit our healing. Choosing to give of my time and energy to others helped me get the focus off of myself and do something to help someone else. Listening to these women share about their lives week after week, really brought some of my own struggles into perspective. Somehow in the pain, fear, frustration and obedience Jesus started to heal me. Do I still fear rejection? Yes! Don’t we all in some way. But do I let it keep me from real relationships with others that enrich my life. No! I have moved past the fear and have learned to trust God. People can leave us, but the Lord is always there and a safe place for us to retreat. He promises “I will never leave you, nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6.
Last year my word was “contentment(2024)” and I started the year thinking I was pretty content. That I had this one down. We had prayed for the house we are currently living in the year before, and while it was a fixer upper, it was also my dream home. I was content just to be there and enjoy the space with my family. The kitchen was extremely outdated with formica countertops from the 80’s and three layers of flooring on top of one another. But when we moved in, I decided to work with what we had. I gave everything a new coat of paint. I even got a kit to paint the countertops to look like marble and I was content, or so I thought. On January 1st of last year, I noticed the floorboards near the sink seemed soft to the touch. They were squishy when you stood on them and seemed to shift. I got a crowbar to pry one back and found a whole lot of water damage. In fact the more floorboards I pulled up. The further the water went. The previous owners had never removed the old flooring, so after digging through three layers of flooring, we found that even the subfloor was black and soaked with water. We traced the source of the leak to a dishwasher plug that had rotted out and been leaking water for who knows how long. The water had been sinking down through the multiple layers of flooring and that’s why we never saw it puddling on the surface. When we pulled the dishwasher out, I also discovered to my horror that the wall and entire back area of our cabinets was covered in mold. We immediately called our insurance company and then sent out a water remediation company. What followed was months, 6 months to be exact of gutting our entire kitchen, from floors to walls to electrical. The insurance covered some of the renovation, but we ended up draining our savings and taking on new debt to finish the project. While I was living in a drywall and dust covered construction zone, with four children, I was shaking my fists at God proclaiming that I was content with the kitchen we had. The debt was particularly painful, because we had worked for years on becoming debt free before moving into this house and the whole process felt like we had taken a giant leap backwards. In reflection, that year helped shift my perspective on the accumulation of stuff. We had to empty everything on our first floor to our garage while floors were being finished and I later found that mice had damaged some of our items. It reminded me of the biblical verse about “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, but instead store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.” (Matthew 6:19-21) I had watched those vermin destroy my stuff first hand and that combined with the lingering debt reminded me to be content with what I have. In fact I continued hosting my women’s group through all of that chaos and the women were happy to meet in the basement with me. I learned that it doesn’t matter what your space is like, people just want to connect. They don’t care what stuff you have or how it is decorated, what they most enjoy looking at when they come into your home is a present and listening human being. If you’ve been waiting to reach out to others because you feel your home isn’t good enough, this is your sign to stop waiting until everything is perfect. It never will be! Now is the time to reach out.
All of this brings me to the start of this year. It was a still, small whisper but God has told me this will be a year for “Awakening (2025).”
It’s not clear yet what parts of me still need to “Wake up,” that will be revealed in time. However, this was my first year back to teaching middle school after being home with my own kids for three years. I am waking up to the need for Christian light in our school system. Our youth are lost in so many ways and looking for connection beyond their screens. I also recently went for a Mammogram and they found an abnormality. I will have a biopsy next week to check for cancer and at the time I’m writing this, that is terrifying to me. I am praying for God to work his will in my life and releasing the results of that test. Perhaps, you will get to find out in real time what they say once I post updates. I just know that ever since I chose to follow God as a sophomore in high school, I have learned that I can trust him. Even when it hurts, or tears come quickly, I can trust him. That was the year I was baptized in Christ and last weekend we baptized our two oldest children. They came to us, desiring to take this step. I cannot believe that God can take our failings as parents and turn it into something so beautiful. Maybe his work in my life and his faithfulness through all my years are exactly the kind of things I will awaken to this year. “Thank you God for my word and I look forward to walking through this year together, just you and me Jesus. Just you and me!”
“This is why it is said, ‘Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.’ So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.”
Ephesians 5:14-20
