Sometimes I wake up and I just feel a little numb. Like I have been trying to be all things to all people, but none of it feels like myself. My current read of the month asked the important question, whose voice are you listening to? Is it God’s, is it the enemy’s, is it my own false self or sense of pride? How do we figure out where that inner voice comes from? How do we sort out the lies from the truth when we are discouraged and in a season of waiting? The one that pushes us to be more, or compare our lives with others. The voice that says “You are not enough” and surely “God made a mistake because this person could definitely do it better.” Satan hisses out “Just look at how talented they are and look at how weak you are.”
The space where I get the most confused about what God is saying to me is in the margins. The great in-between spaces of life. The Israelites could see and hear God so clearly when he was rescuing them from Pharoh and also when he delivered them into the promised land. The place where they struggled the most was the in-between. The vast desert space where the same tempation from Eden echoes in our ears again. “Did God really say…?”
My husband and I have been waiting in one of those in-between spaces. Over a month ago, I could feel so clearly the Holy Spirit asking us and our friends to pray for a new opportunity for my husband at his work. We prayed fervently and I felt the spirit moving in power, the kind that is the invisible behind-the-scenes work. Then we waited and waited and are currently still waiting. We don’t have the answer yet. We are in the in-between spaces. We have prayed the prayer but have not seen its answer yet. Sure enough, I can’t believe I mouthed the words to my husband yesterday full of doubts. I asked him, “What if I was wrong and God never meant for me to pray this? What if I got the message wrong?” In other words, “Did God really say…”
These are the moments that truly define what faith is. The place where you see no visible results or answers to prayer, but you stand suspended on the ledge of God’s promises to you.
It’s a space where you trust that God did ask you to pray or move and that your circumstances do not define how faithful he is. This is the space where we trust in God’s upside-down kingdom and acknowledge our own weaknesses before the Lord. Our hearts can be fickle things and are not really reliable in these in-between spaces. We may feel all kinds of emotions like despair, doubt, and discouragement. That is why God asks us to look to him in the desert. To come back to his word daily for our Manna, and to rely on the promises that he gave us when we first entered this wilderness.
His upside-down kingdom tells us in 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 “…Think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things-and the things that are not-to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God-that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”
We read these words, but for some reason, we seem to make a lot of our Christian walk all about appearing strong or wise or like we are more than enough by ourselves. It goes against everything in us to relish our weakness and even find delight that God chooses the lowly things of this world. I don’t think I have met one woman who wants to be called “lowly.” The dictionary defines lowly as “Low in status or importance, humble.” But sometimes sister, it needs to be said that you are not enough and you never will be. You cannot possibly be all those things to all those people and make everyone happy. You cannot ever meet all the expectations that this never-ending to-do list of society places on you. The enemy can leave those lies with us and we will believe them because there is truth that by ourselves we can’t do or be any of it. In fact, our never-ending exhaustion could be that we are trying a whole lot of things out of our own power.
But, In Christ, you are enough! You can find wisdom from his spirit. God can take your greatest weakness and use it as a testimony of his strength. Praise God that it was never about us. This has never been about what we can accomplish. Can you just release with me today the need to appear great. The need to be the woman that balances it all. The need to feel like you don’t need anyone or any help. Let go, release! Jesus covers you. In Him, you are enough. In Him, you are loved and wanted. In Him, you are forgiven. We will never measure up, but Jesus does.
Lord, protect me in the “In-between” spaces from the lies of the enemy. Help me to stand on the truth of your word and not my own thoughts and feelings. Surrender my need to appear a certain way and release my desire to care what others think. Encourage me that you have heard my prayers and even though the answers are not visible in my life yet, help me trust that you will bring forth the promises you have given in my life on your timeline. God help me to release today. To divinely exhale “Jesus Help Me” Amen
